Unwanted Consequences
by Akira43
Summary: Best friends are great for many things, including volunteering you to watch their three year old daughters. What happens when Roy is roped into babysitting Elysia one night, and what will this escapade result in? [no pairings, no spoliers]
1. The Beginning of the End

**Okay, so I wrote this story a long time ago, but just now started typing it up. I'm almost done with it, all that's left is about one chapter. Hopefully I will be able to update it often, maybe every day if you're lucky :-D**

**_Disclaimer: I wish I owned Fullmetal Alchemist, but sadly, I don't. What's even more sad is that I don't own Mustang. -sob-_**

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**Chapter one:**_** The beginning of the End**_

"So Roy will ya? You will? Great! I'll see ya at 7:00 then, bye!"

Roy groaned. Hughes had just shoved multiple pictures of Elysia in his face before running out the door, leaving before he could even reach for his gloves (or as Hughes called them, 'My signal to leave!'").

Once again he would have to cancel his date that night because he had, according to Hughes, "volunteered" to watch Elysia that night. Not that he didn't like her or anything, no, that wasn't it at all. He just wished that his best friend would actually ask him to do something rather than just assuming that he could. But on the bright side, now he had an excuse to leave early that Hawkeye would find acceptable… although he still didn't understand why dates weren't considered acceptable by her… but then again, it's Hawkeye, so who knows? At least he didn't have to do paperwork for as long tonight.

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Time- 18:55:01 and counting 

Place- in front of the Hughes residence

Condemned subject- Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist

At five minutes 'til seven, Roy stood outside of his best friend's home. He had barely had just enough time to go home, change out of his uniform, and make it here on time.

He did a quick self-check to make sure that he had performed the necessary tasks required to survive his current ordeal. '_Comfortable clothes check. Watch safely put in coat pocket, check. Gloves away from a three year-old girl's little fingers and in pockets, check. Lotion on hands, che- wait a minute, why do I care about whether or not my hands are soft and smooth? Well, everything seems to be up to par… up to par?! Ugh, I don't even __**play**__ golf!'_

Questioning his mental sanity, Roy climbed the steps leading to the front door. He raised his hand to knock, only to have the door open and see Gracia standing before him.

"Oh, hi Roy. Thanks so much for coming. I hope it wasn't any trouble for you."

_'Any trouble?'_ Roy thought,_ 'I guess that depends on whether you consider dodging bullets while attempting to explain to your so-called subordinate that you had a perfectly good reason to be leaving early for a change, then hide in the janitor's closet to avoid having to deal with Fullmetal and his cursing about stupid reports and bastard colonels. And on top of all that, needing to break the window of your car since you accidentally locked your keys in there that morning, resulting in having to rush home and change without a shower to make it here on time. All just to baby sit your best friend's daughter. No, it was absolutely no trouble whatsoever.'_

Forcing a smile onto his face, he replied. "No, it was no trouble at all. I'm just glad to be able to help out." It just wouldn't have done if he decided to throw his manners out the door; after all, it _was_ his friend's wife that he was talking to.

"Good, I'm glad," Gracia responded, reflecting his smile.

The next thing he knew, he was flattened to the wall as Hughes rushed by, making his first appearance. This sudden appearance was followed with Hughes pulling his wife out the door and a "Bye Roy, if you need anything, hesitate to call! Oh, and if you want any pictures, they're by the phone in case of an emergency!"

Slam. So much for the talk he was planning on having about volunteering other people. Maybe he should return the gesture that was the cause of his current situation by using those pictures by the phone to make an "emergency fire"… or maybe he should just do it anyways.

"Uncle Roy!" Oh, right. Elysia. He had forgotten about her for a moment. Maybe he shouldn't burn pictures of her while she was around. No. That probably wouldn't be a very good idea.

Kneeling down, he spread open his arms to the oncoming three year-old. "Hey there Ely-"

Oof!

"-sia." Flat on his back, Roy looked up into the excited and amused eyes of none other than the infamous Elysia Hughes herself, known from her father's obsession of constantly shoving pictures into other people's faces, in pigtails and a yellow sundress with big, red flowers. Man, she must have gotten a lot bigger since the last time he saw her if she was able to knock him over like that. Although he had been a bit unbalanced to begin with. (A/N: Yeah right Roy, you just keep telling yourself that.)

Giggling like mad, she was somehow able to force out a few words in between bursts of laughing. "Uncle Roy, you fell down!"

"No I didn't Elysia, you knocked me over!"

"I know," she said, giggling still not slowing, "but you still fell!" Well, she had a point.

Sighing, Roy attempted to sit up, which is rather difficult with a giggling-like-mad three year-old sitting on top of you. "Elysia, do you think you could please let your Uncle Roy up?"

After her giggles slowed and a bit of thinking, she looked at him, wearing a smirk that seemed oddly familiar…

"Okay, but…" Oh no. Not the 'but'! Could even three year-olds use the 'but' these days? A whole lot sure had changed since he was a kid. "But what?"

"But first you have to promise to play princesses with me." Note the word princesses.

Unfortunately for him, Roy failed to notice her use of the plural form of princess.

"Okay, I promise." _After all, _he thought, _what's the worst that could happen from playing princess with a three year-old girl?_

This reasoning would soon result in an addition to the list of **Reasons Why Roy Mustang Can Be Such an Idiot Sometimes**.

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**What's gonna happen to Roy? Will his sanity remain intact, or will it only get worse?**

**Flames, constructive critsism, and anonymus reviews are all accepted. Flames are accepted simply because they are an honest opinion, and we authors deserve to know if people hate our story or not. Feel free to point out any mistakes as well.**


	2. Project Princess Roy

**_Dislcaimer in previous chapters. Please see Author's note at the end for minor explanations._**

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**Chapter two: **_**Project Princess Roy**_

"Okay Uncle Roy, you get to sit in the special princess chair. It's right over… _here_."

Roy plopped down into a soft, furry, hot pink chair. He looked up to see Elysia wearing a look on her face that looked disturbingly similar to Hawkeye's when he didn't finish all of his paperwork on time.

"I'm going to get everything we need to make you a princess," she told him sternly, "So be a good boy and don't move until I get back."

She ran off in the direction of her bedroom, leaving behind a gaping Roy in the playroom. _Wait, wha-? She wants to make_ me _a princess? Shouldn't she be the princess? ... Oh. She said_ princesses _before didn't she? Good job Roy, give yourself a pat on the back… or not, since I'm not supposed to move. Why am I afraid to disobey a three year-old again? Oh yeah, she used the patented 'scary Hawkeye' look on me. Those two must be spending too much time together._

Just as he finished this thought, who should walk back in but Elysia, pulling along a little pink wagon. It looked like it was full of… nail polish various different glittery items and play jewelry. _Oh no, this is_ so _not going to end well…_

"Alrighty Uncle Roy, since Mommy won't let me use make-up without her helping me, so we're just going to stick with nail polish and glitter. Now close your eyes so the glitter won't get in them." Roy closed his eyes, and soon heard her begin to use the bottle of spray glitter.

_**Squirt, squirt, squirt…**_

"Okay Elysia, I think that's enough…"

He began to open his eyes, only to snap them back shut to the sound of a shrill "No, don't open them yet!" in his ear. With a sigh, he leaned back in his chair, patiently waiting for her to grant him permission to open his eyes once again and assess the damage that had been done so far.

_**Wobble, wobble, wobble, DUMP.**_

"Ahhhh! Elysia, why'd you do that!"

"Well, I wanted to make sure that the glitter wouldn't just fall off. So I opened the bottle and dumped all of it on you. It'd take too long to spray _all_ of it on, and this way was faster. Don't worry, the glitter will stay once it dries!"

_Ugh, I sure hope this stuff washes out._ "Hey, can I see that bottle for a minute?" he asked, pointing to the plastic bottle she held in her hands. "Sure, Uncle Roy!"

Roy looked at the label on the back of the now-empty bottle of pink (what other color would it be?) glitter-gel and scanned it for any information on using it in someone's hair. When he found it, it only added to the already unfortunate situation he was in.

**WARNING! DO NOT USE ON HAIR!**

_**Use on hair will result in hair becoming dyed the same shade as the base glitter color, and will not wash out.**_

Crap. If he washed it out now before the chemicals could react all the way, then his signature raven-black _might_ be saved. But he couldn't do that without making Elysia upset. And upset Elysia + responsible babysitter + overprotective father coming home to find said Elysia upset (equal sign here) one Flame Alchemist in **BIG** trouble. That would be bad. Very, very, **very** bad.

He decided to make the obvious best choice, and turned his attention back to Elysia, who looked as if she was ready to continue.

"Now that the glitter's all done, we can paint your nails."

"How about I go ahead and just paint _your_ fingernails?"

She giggled. "Because, silly, mine are already painted. Now, just make sure that you don't wiggle your fingers, or the nail polish will smear."

Once again, she chose a hot pink nail polish color that, unsurprisingly, had glitter mixed in. He had to admit, she did a lot better painting his nails than he could have done. Not too long afterwards, all ten of his fingers had been painted and were beginning to dry.

"Now all that's left to do is put some pretty pink hair clips and find you a crown."

Less than ten minutes later, Project Princess Roy was completed. His hair matched the color of his hot pink, glitter nails, and was accented with well-placed pink hair clips. But you couldn't see these hair clips very well, as they were hidden by a homemade crown.

Actually, that homemade crown just so happened to be his hat. His _only_ hat, seeing as Black Hayate had claimed his military-issued hat as a chew toy when Hawkeye wasn't looking. Needless to say Hayate learned his lesson, but that doesn't mean that his hat managed to survive the ordeal.

One of Elysia's play dress-up tiaras ended up being glued to the charcol-grey hat since it didn't quite fit him.

So, after stepping back and surveying her hard work, the three year-old fell asleep on the spot, all energy drained from her accomplished task of turning her Uncle Roy into a princess.

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**Okay, so first of all, the reason why Roy's raven-black hair was able to change dramatically into hot pink is because I'm the author, and I said so, for the purposes of this story. Also, the two hats mentioned: the military-issue one is the hat Roy wore at Hughes' funeral. The other hat (the charcoal-grey one), is the hat Roy wore in the last episode or two when he and Hawkeye were on their way to the Fuhrer's estate. **

**Thank you to reviewers, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Chapter 3 will be up as soon as I'm done editing and typing it up. 3 days tops.**

**Flames, constructive criticism, and anonymous reviews are all accepted with open arms.**


	3. A Picture and a Piece of Blackmail

**_By now you should know what I would put here based on previous chapters._**

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**Chapter three: **_**A Picture and a Piece of Blackmail**_

When Hawkeye stepped into the office the next day, she was shocked to hear her superior officer participating in a yelling match with someone behind the closed door of his private office. Shocked that her superior officer actually arrived _before_ her for a change, that is. She had become rather used to random yelling outbursts from all the years of experience with one Edward Elric.

Speaking of Edward, wasn't it just a _wee bit_ early for him to be showing up, especially _here_ of all places? Even though his report was due to the colonel today, it would be highly unusual for him to miss out on a chance to aggravate the colonel by waiting to turn his report at least one day late, minimum. His average waiting time was about 2-3 days, and even when he did finally decide to turn his report in, he would try to wait until the colonel was almost ready to leave to office for the day, causing him to have to stay late and, according to Ed, "make that bastard late for one of his dates and hopefully cause him to lose a girl because she dumped him instead of the other way around for a change."

_I wonder who the colonel is fighting with this time, and whether or not it really _is_ Edward._ Pondering this idea, she headed towards her desk; all the while listening intently to what could be overheard from the other side of the door, hoping for some type of clue to the identity of the unfortunate visitor.

"Jeez Roy, be careful with those gloves, you could really hurt someone!"

"That's the whole point**." **_**SNAP!**_

_Well, guess that answers my question. Only Maes Hughes would ever even dare to throw comments like that while under siege from a flame attack._

Anyone that may have walked into the colonel's private office at that moment would have been witness to a scene most commonly associated with bickering children who decided to settle their fight by playing a sort tag-like game indoors.

And that was exactly what was happening, except for they were two grown men instead of children, and their game of tag included tagging with flames instead of the traditional touch-and-go. Plus there was bantering, can't forget that.

"Come on, it's just a picture, no need to get upset, Mr. All-High-and-Mighty Flame!"

"Mr. Flame, huh? Well, I think that it's about time for that picture to meet him!" _**SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!**_

"But that would ruin the picture!"

"Like I said before, that's the whole point!"

"But, but- Ahhh!"

Diving out of the way of one particularly nasty oncoming line of fire, Hughes fell to the ground rolling, sending his precious blackmail of a picture floating through the air towards the ground, where it landed in a small pile of soot and ashes, a result of yet another simple snap of the fingers.

"Aw, that was my only copy!"

"Serves you right, Maes Hughes, for even taking the picture in the first place!"

After a short lived silence, Hughes cautiously and courageously said "You know, I might still have the negati- Ahh! No Roy, I'm just kidding! Please, spare me, I'm your best friend, remember?"

Wisely opting for a hasty retreat, Hughes was on his feet and out the door before the sharpshooter even realized he ran by. And right on his heels was a clearly irritated and absolutely livid Colonel Mustang, with his fingers still in snapping position and- wait. Was that _pink_ hair underneath the hat he was wearing? And why did said hat have a tiara glued to the front of it?

Struggling to keep her composure while witnessing the sight she was, she managed to inquire "Sir, wait! Why is your hair dyed a glittery hot pink? And why does the hat you're wearing in an attempt to try and hide it have a tiara glued to the front of it?"

Not even pausing for a moment, nor looking back over his shoulder, he replied, "Why don't you ask Lieutenant Colonel Hughes that, after all he _is_ in the investigations department!" Hot on the trail of his escaping victim, he rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight, leaving behind a very confused first lieutenant. _I wonder why they were arguing, and what made the colonel so upset. Having a handful of pictures, does irritate him, but never this much. I guess I'll just have to wait until he comes back to try and get a decent answer from him._ Grinning as an afterthought

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**Okay, so I know that this chapter was relatively short. I actually ended up re-writing the majority of it, which made it longer than it originally was. Plus, this was really only going to be the first part of the chapter, but if I didn't divide it up, it would be as long as the first two combined (just a guess, I didn't actually check). The next part/ chapter will hopefully be longer again, then we'll be nearing the end of the story (which I still have to write! Oh no!).**

**Thank you to everyone who is reading this story, I hope that you have and will continue to enjoy it.**

**Just a reminder that I do accept flames, constructive criticism, and anonymous reviews. If you find any mistakes, please point them out to me. Oh, and in the near future, my profile will include most of the information about any policies, views, opinions, and updates that you may or may not want to know about. Actually, nah, I'm not even going to go there. I'll start blabbering and rambling on again, just like I did in my profile when I updated it minutes (actually more like one) before I typed/am typing this. **


	4. The First Unwanted Consequence

**_I don't know why I'm even bothering to say this _again._ Disclaimer is in the _first chapter_ people. You all know I don't own it anyways._**

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**Chapter four: _The First Unwanted Consequence_**

Ten minutes later a soaking wet flame alchemist stomped back into his office and began digging through his desk drawers, looking even more irritated than he had when he had left the office beforehand, it that was even possible. Riza Hawkeye watched him search his desk determinedly, her suspicions of what he was looking for confirmed has he addressed her.

"Lieutenant, do you happen to know where a spare pair of my gloves are?"

"If I recall correctly, sir, you are only supplied with ten pairs a month, and not including the pair you keep at your home and the pair you are currently wearing, the were all destroyed within the first week of their shipment."

Somehow managing to keep a straight face, he thought for a moment and then asked, "Well, then do you have a hairdryer that I can borrow?"

Caught off guard with this unusual request, Riza a look of shock could be seen through her normally neutral expression. "A _hairdryer_, sir?"

"Yes Hawkeye, a hairdryer. I figured that you, of all people, would be the most likely one to own such a thing, seeing as you are a female _and_ have long hair."

Deducing that this was, in fact, not meant as an insult to her but rather a mere simple observation, she responded cautiously, making sure to chose her words carefully so as to avoid further agitating the already unstable alchemist. "Sir, even if I did own a hairdryer, which I do, what reason would I have to bring it to work with me every day?"

"A simple yes or no would do, Lieutenant!" he snapped at her. Clearly, not even her careful choice of words capable of tip-toeing around his aggravation.

With a sigh and desperately wishing that she could simply just knock him out until he had calmed down, she complied by simply answering him with "No sir, I do not have a hairdryer with me, but I believe that there are a few downstairs in the women's locker room…" She reflexively stuck out her arm to block him from advancing any further than he already had towards the open door leading to the hallway which, in turn, lead to the stairs leading to the very place she had just mentioned.

"Sir," she began, casting a dangerous glare directly at him, "there is absolutely _no way_ that I am going to let you waltz right into the women's locker room. Would you mind telling me just what you so desperately need this hairdryer for?" "Well, Lieutenant, in case you didn't notice, my gloves are wet, and I would like to be able to use them in the very near future." "Then why don't you just take your gloves off for a moment then, sir, and I will go and dry them for you?"

He backed off at this, and sighed as if accepting his defeat. "You're right Lieutenant, I course I shouldn't go in there, forgive me for even suggesting it. Say, why don't I go and get us some cof-" Quick as lightning and before he could even finish the word "coffee", she had drawn her gun and trained it on him.

_Darn, she saw through my act,_ Roy thought dejectedly._ And I thought for _sure_ that it would work… even though I suppose it never really has. _He turned his attention back to his lieutenant as she began to speak to him, fearful of what might happen if was discovered ignoring her while in this position.

"Roy Mustang, I said it before, and I'll say it again. _There is __**absolutely no way**__ I am going to let you sneak into the women's locker room!_ And don't even think for a _second_ that you can fool me with your little plans to sneak out unnoticed."

Roy sighed again, this time admitting true defeat. She also seemed to believe so, and lowered her aim a fraction of an inch as she relaxed her grip. There was no telling what such a maneuver could do to his military career. I mean, think about it, Roy Mustang, Flame alchemist, and well-known ladies' man, bursting into the women's locker room, especially the _military_ women's locker room. How would that look, given his track record? It could very well ruin any chance he may have at ever becoming the Führer! Obviously, his irritation and anger had gotten to him, and he was no longer thinking clearly. Well, guess it was up to her to, once again, to make sure that these unnatural thinking patterns ended soon. "Sir-"

She began one of well-worn lectures, a subtle yet imposing one that just so happened to be the first she had ever used on him, when she had overheard him and Maes plotting a classic prank one night back at the academy. Apparently, he had seen this coming, as he gently held up a hand to stop her before she had even really begun. "Spare me, Hawkeye, I know what you're going to say, and you're right, I wasn't thinking clearly and acting on impulse." He paused here, and his ever-faithful lieutenant waited patiently for him to continue.

He couldn't help but feel slightly relieved that the other guys wouldn't be here for at least another hour or so, because if they were there while he told his story, then let's just say that the infirmary would have four new long-term guests, and that would only mean more paperwork for him. Paperwork not only from the medical inquiries about his men's injuries, AND all of those said four men's paperwork to tackle to the point of what would be manageable for them to do as they recovered.

As he was turning to face her more fully, the colonel caught what he thought to be a glimpse of a cigarette disappearing out of sight behind the doorframe, as if someone was there that shouldn't be. But surely it couldn't be Havoc, could it?

Living up to her last name, Riza saw that something had caught the colonel's eye. "Sir, what is-" she began, but was cut off with a wave from her commanding officer for the second time in the last ten minutes. He jerked his head towards the open door, and although the hallway appeared to be deserted, she knew that they must have an unwanted listener. So as a precaution to prevent the aforementioned unwanted listener, she continued her question, though slightly re-worded. "What did you say before, sir? I couldn't quite hear you."

"I said," Mustang continued, playing along with her cover, "That do you hear something that sounds like one of Second Lieutenant Havoc's vain attempts at containing one of his extreme urges to laugh out loud? By the way Havoc, that's your que to come out of hiding and give yourself up.

Laughter could be heard echoing off the walls long before the second lieutenant began to ease himself around the corner, relying on the wall as support to stay standing as tears of laughter streamed down his face.

"Colonel, you look...look...look..."

"Look like what, second lieutenant? Go on, spit it out!"

Havoc, who had finally begun to calm down, burst out in laughter once again, but was quieted much more quickly than before upon seeing the face of his commanding officer more terrifying than he ever had before, despite the princess-y touches that were visible here and there.

"Well- well, you l-look like a- a- a make-over that's gone _horribly_ wrong."

"Well you got the 'gone horribly wrong' part right." Roy grimaced. If he had thought it embarrassing before, he was certainly even more embarrassed now that someone besides he most trusted sidekick or his best friend had seen him like this. Now _one more_ person had the perfect blackmail opportunity for him.

Finally through with any interruptions, Roy began his story. "Well, it all started when Hughes came into my office and informed that I would be babysitting Elysia that night, since I had _so generously offered to_, and when I got there, Elysia decided that we were going to play princesses. I thought that she had meant that _she_ would be the princess, and I would just be someone else, but she had actually meant princesses when she had said it, so I was turned into a princess as well in order to meet her requirements. She started off with wanting to make my hair all glittery and pink, but it turned out the stuff she put in my hair didn't wash out after it dried."

Havoc interrupted at this point in the story. "So why didn't you wash it out _before_ it dried, Colonel?"

"_Because_, Havoc, then her feelings would be hurt if I washed it out right away, and in front of her, not to mention that she would probably only try again. Now, as I was _about_ to say before I interrupted," he threw a glance at Havoc, who raised his hands in innocence, "I'm wearing a tiara on my hat because I apparently needed to have a crown, and the one she wanted me to wear wouldn't fit. So she broke off the ends and glued it to my hat. And before you interrupt me again, Havoc, the reason I'm wearing this hat is because my military-issued hat was chewed up by Black Hayate, and the new one I ordered hasn't come yet. So, unfortunately, this is the only hat I have. I wanted to wear a hat to help cover up my pink hair, and I didn't have time to buy a new one before work started today."

He had taken off his hat to reveal his pink hair as he was talking, and now began to remove his wet gloves. "Finally, she painted my nails pink. That's why I didn't want to have to take them off before, Hawkeye. I didn't want anyone to see them, and wet gloves aren't comfortable to wear."

"Hey boss?"

"Yes Havoc?"

"What's that in your hair?"

Roy raked hi fingers through his hair, and felt the two clips Elysia had put in the night before still there. "Aw man, well what's in my hair are the clips Elysia also decided to put in my hair. I guess I had thought that I had either taken them out or that they had fallen out on their own."

"Oh." Havoc was silent for a little while, lost in his own thoughts, when suddenly he had an idea. "Hey colonel, if your hair was dyed pink, then why don't you just have it dyed black again?"

Roy stared at him, dumbfounded. "Havoc that is the most brilliant idea I've ever heard! Finally, you've _actually_ made a good suggestion in all the years you've been my subordinate! I mean… thank you Havoc, I hadn't thought of that."

"So, do I get a promotion for helping to solve your," he snickered," princess problem?"

With yet another glare directed at the lieutenant, Mustang responded. "I wouldn't push your luck, _Lieutenant_. Just because my gloves are wet doesn't mean that I can't make still make your career-and love life- a disaster. You might want to keep that in mind."

For the second time since he arrived at HQ, Havoc shut hi mouth, once again compliments of the colonel. _He must _really_ be in a bad mood about this for him to be this irritated so early, especially since he barely even has any paperwork yet_, thought Havoc. He should be sure to remember to warn the other guys about this dangerous mood when they got here.

With a sigh from herself, Riza stood and made her way towards the coat rack in the corner. "Where do you think you're going, Lieutenant?" Roy asked, danger and suspicion underlining his inquiry. "We," Riza replied, "are going to go to the salon where I get my hair done, and have them dye your hair back to its usual black. There's no way you'll be able to do a decent job on your paperwork in this mood, and Lieutenant Havoc's suggestion made the most sense to me."

Roy's face now changed to one of a mix between shocked and horrified. "Wha- what do you mean, the salon that you go to? Where all the girls in Central go to as well? Where they'll all see me like this? No way, uh-uh, there is absolutely no way I'm going to-"

He was cut off by the click of a safety being disabled and found himself face to face with an angry first lieutenant holding a gun trained on him. Only this time, the look on her face was much, much worse. It was the most absolutely horrifying glare he had ever witnessed. It fact, it was so horrifying that Major Armstrong, who took one glance at it through the open office door, ran away screaming "BEHOLD! THE FLEEING TECHNIQUE THAT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS!"

Fortunately for the Flame alchemist, all the years of unfinished paperwork had given him experience with some of the first lieutenant glares. But this one, oh, this one was different. It was the first glare that had ever made him actually fear for his life.

"Roy Mustang, you are coming with me even if I have to knock you out and then drag you all the way there myself."

With a gulp, Roy obeyed by managing to squeak out a small "Yes, ma'am!" When Hawkeye gave you that terrible of a death glare, you do as she says without even second-guessing it if you valued your life, regardless of whether you were one her superiors. Roy only hoped that Havoc, too, had realized this was one of those moments, and confirmed this thought when he saw him inching his way behind his desk and out of harm's way.

Riza decided drop her glare, but did not lower her guard. She monetarily picked it back up when she heard the colonel begin to suggest something, but decided that such intensity as before was not required now.

"Hawkeye, I understand that the reason you want me to go is to have my hair dyed back, but wouldn't it be easier for you to wait and force me to allow Fullmetal to change it back once he arrives?"

"I had thought of that, sir, but one, there isn't any guarantee that they'll come today even though last time you threatened them to, and two, because I figured it would be difficult to have to force not only you but also Edward to work together in order to dye your hair back."

"Oh." Now that he thought of it that way, her plan made more sense. Having Fullmetal dye it back would have been one of the last things he would ever do, but he figured that it couldn't be nearly as bad as ruining his reputation and image with the ladies of Central.

Taking his coat that Hawkeye was offering to him, he looked at Havoc and gave him some last-minute instructions before they left. "Havoc, I want you to hold things down here while we're gone. You can tell the other guys if they really want to know, but if Fullmetal comes before we get back, make up some other excuse for where we really are. And that's an order, so if I find out that you did tell Fullmetal, I will court-martial you without a second thought. I don't think you would like _that_ to have to be your first court-martial, now would you?"

Havoc shook his head in agreement, and said, "Don't worry sir, I will make sure to not tell Ed where you guys really are. You can count on me.

"Good." Roy replied to him, and he and Hawkeye walked into the hall through the open door, closing it behind them.

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**Note: The title of this chapter DOES NOT mean that there are going to be other specific consequences, there will be others, but won't necessarily be pointed out, and will most likely be named differently.**

**Okay, here's your 6 ½ pages on word worth's of a chapter. I would have updated sooner, but the reading of the new Harry Potter book and resulting exhaustion from staying up all nigh to do so prevented me from updating last night. **

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading this story and to all that have reveiwed it as well. I'll never get tired of saying that, no matter how many times I do.**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE!**** I am going to my cousin's wedding this weekend, and will not have access to a computer. I will try to update at least one more time before I leave Thursday night, and if you're lucky, I may even finish before then. If I don't finish, expect an update once I get back.**


	5. Hair by Design

**_Please make sure to read the author's note(s) at the end for any explanations, clarifications, and/or notices._**

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**Chapter five:_ Hair by Design_**

Roy Mustang was dragging his feet, reluctantly following his first lieutenant to their destination. So far, he had been able to convince her to allow them to stop at a café for coffee, the bakery for a powdered doughnut for him and a strawberry-filled one her, and most recently, the newspaper stand to buy today's edition. But now he had run out of ideas to stall their arrival, and the salon that was their final destination drew near.

Just a few minutes later, the two military officers stood in front of a decent-sized, well-built building, the sign overhead reading "Hair by Design." Roy considered his chances of being able to back out now and retreat back to the safety of his office, but all thoughts of escape were reluctantly diminished as Riza Hawkeye held open the door in front of him.

"You go in first, sir. I'll be right behind you, so don't even think about trying to sneak past me and run away."

"Don't worry, Lieutenant. I figured that would be your plan as soon as I say you holding the door open for me. I suppose it would defeat the purpose of dragging me all the way here if you didn't block the only entrance in order to prevent me from escaping."

As the two stepped inside, Roy was greeted with his glimpse of your modern-day salon. Of course he had gone to the salon with his mother back when he was a kid, but apparently, a lot had changed since then.

Just inside the entrance was a small hallway-like entryway with coat hooks along the wall. This small hallway-like entryway opened up with a check-in counter to the right, and a small room containing a few hair-cutting stations. Directly in front of him were a few shelves with various hair-care products for sale on them. To a guy like him, it seemed odd to have such a wide variety of shampoos and conditioners, among many other products, to choose from. For men, there were only two or three shampoos to choose from at the most.

The waiting area was just on the other side of the check-in desk, and consisted of about ten or so chairs around a small coffee table. On the table was a rack with various colors of nail-polish, and a few books containing different hair styles. A side-table in between a chunk of chairs was covered in magazines, and the far corner had a water dispenser.

Directly across from the check-in desk was another room with black-and-white tiled flooring. Along the right wall were several sinks with towels stacked up beside each of them. Cupboards above the row of sinks contain what he could only guess to be shampoo. Across from the sinks were three chairs. These chairs weren't like typical chairs, though. Each one was black, and had armrests and a footrest. Above the backs of the chairs were what looked like a bowl turned so that it rested on its edge. The bowl looked as if it was covered in clear plastic, and had holes all over. He didn't remember ever seeing something like it before, and figured that it was simply a new contraption that was recently invented.

The room beyond the sinks was wide, extending out wider than the room with the sinks on either side. On the left there were more hair-cutting stations, and to the left there were a couple of tales with a chair on either side, and another rack of nail polishes on top.

Still at the very back and off to the left side was another room, but since it only opened out to where the nail tables were, he couldn't see what was back there. He could only assume that may contain more hair-cutting stations, but wasn't really all that sure.

From his first glance around the inside of the building, he could tell that his original thoughts about the door behind him being the only exit were correct. While they were both starting to take off their coats, Roy contemplated how he could get Hawkeye out from in between him and the door leading to his freedom. _I wonder if I… no that wouldn't work. What about if... no, she wouldn't fall for that either. Or maybe I could… darn, that wouldn't work either._ Suddenly he looked up, finally coming up with a plausible course of action. _Maybe if I can convince her to go ahead and check in while I hang up our coats, I can sneak back out through the door once she turns the corner. Yeah! That's it! That's what I'll do!_

Putting his plan into action, he turned and faced Riza, who was just about to hang her coat up on one of the many hooks lining the wall. "Hey, Riza," he asked, grabbing her arm to take her coat from her, "why don't you go ahead and check-in at the counter, and I'll hang your coat up for you."

She looked him up and down, pondering whether or not to play along with what would be his last chance of escaping. "Okay sir. Just make sure that you come over to the waiting area as soon as you're done."

This whole time Roy was thinking "_Please say okay, please say okay, please say okay,"_ only to take an abrupt turn in these thoughts. _Please say- wait, do my ears decieve me? Did she really just say yes? All right! But wait... there's no way she would say yes when she _knows _that I'm going to try and escape. There must be some sort of catch..._

As soon as Riza turned the corner to check in, Roy hastily hung up her coat, pulled his back on (he had only taken it off halfway before), and made a mad dash to the door. He turned the handle and pulled the door towards him before rushing forward to his freedom. He did it! He had fooled her! He was going to be f- **BAM!** _Ugh,_ thought Roy, _what just happened?_

Riza came up behind the defeated Flame alchemist, stealing his patented smirk to use for the moment. "You didn't _really_ think that I would let you get away that easily, did you sir? I would have thought that you would realize that the door was sealed shut _before_ you attempted to run outside, rather than just flat out running into it and hitting your forehead."

At this time, Roy, who was on the floor and holding his head in pain, had recovered enough to figure out what exactally had just happened. Looking up at the door in doubt about whether not it was really sealed shut, or if he just hadn't pulled hard enough, he saw that not only was it actually sealed, but sealed with... alchemy? "Lieutenant, I wasn't aware that you know alchemy," he stated inquisitively.

"I don't, sir. At least, I don't know any more than how to seal doorways. I had Al teach me one time while you were going over a report with Ed, just so that I would be able to in a situation like this one. Handy, no?"

Roy made a small noise indicating that he had grudgingly accepted his defeat once and for all. In a daze of despair and defeat, he followed her to the small waiting area and sat in one of the chairs while she checked in, staring out the window at the people passing by. He was just becoming bored of not really having anything to do while he waited when he saw a commotion that had caused the crowd of passer-byers to split. Upon a closer look at the oncoming comotion, he was able to pick out the head of a suit of armor sticking out above everyone else, followed by a red blur that was running after it.

_Is that... Fullmetal and his brother? Oh no, oh no, they're going to see me through the window when they pass by!_ In a vain attempt to aviod recognition he looked away and tryed to hide his face behind his head. Whether or not he was seen would depend on how much the small state alchemist was paying attention, and he could only hope that that amount was equivilant to none.

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**I am so sorry for not updating sooner, really I am. I was hoping to have this up two days ago, but wasn't able to start until yesterday. I was able to balence typing this and playing gamecube with my little sister for the beginning, so if it seems a bit choppy, that's why.**

**Notes: The description of the salon is supposed to be like where _my_ family goes to get our hair cut. Please let me know if it seems confusing to you.**

**This was posted without spellcheck, my #1 typing friend. So, pretty pretty please let me know of any typos, grammer errors, etc. that you find. I'm a perfectionist, and I can't stand to have errors in the stories/chapters I post. Also, if anything needs clarified, let me know and I'll try to take care of that too.**

**I promise (no, I really do promise) that I will write _at least_ the next chapter (when Ed and Al make their first appearence, yay!) while I'm gone, and post it as soon as I get back and can get my hands on a computer. So, that's it 'til I return! TTFN, Ta-Ta for now!**


	6. The Elrics Arrive

**Please note that this chapter takes place around the same time as the events at Central HQ were happening the morning after Roy's encounter with Elysia. They also lead directly up to where the last chapter left off.**

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**Chapter six: _The Elrics Arrive_**

"AL! AL! ALPHONSE, WAIT UP! Excuse me, pardon me, alchemist comin' through. AL!"

Alphonse Elric, brother to the one and only Fullmetal alchemist, Edward Elric, was running all over Central, his large body parting the crowds like the Red Sea. And why exactly was this large suit of armor running all over Central, older brother in hot pursuit? Well…

_FLASHBACK_

Central Station was bustling with the activity of weekend travelers. Everyone was rushing to and fro around the station, boarding and unboarding trains with an air of frenzied excitement. Everyone, that is, except for a somewhat short, golden-haired boy wearing all black underneath a full-length red coat, and a large suit of armor, who was standing next to him. Rather than reciprocating the hustle and bustle all around him, the golden-haired boy was shuffling his feet and moping around, complaining about something while the suit of armor accompanying him vainly tried to lift his spirits.

"Ah man, Al. I really, _really,__** really**_ wish I didn't have to go and report to that bastard colonel today. I mean, there we were, closing in on one of the best leads we've ever had, and he expects me to just drop everything in order to give _him_ a report. And I don't really have a choice this time either! He's already threatened to take away my state alchemist license if I don't show, and we can't _afford_ for that to happen because we _really need _the resources it give us. And what's more is that not only did Hawkeye say he was dead serious this time when I asked her, but also told me that he _already_ had written up a court-martial for me, all ready to be turned in, if I was late! And Hawkeye doesn't lie. Oh this is great, just great! Well, I guess we should be going if I'm going to get there on time. C'mon, Al. Al? Alphonse? Where- ALPHONSE! STOP CHASING THAT CAT AND GET BACK HERE! ALLLLLLLLL!"

_END FLASHBACK_

So it was this incident at the station, caused by Al spotting a stray cat and going after it, ignoring his older brother's rants, that led up to the current events. But who could blame him? The poor kitty-cat had needed a home! Unfortunately, the cat had had other ideas, and had run away from Al in an attempt to "save its poor tail." Yes, not only was the poor kitty homeless, but it also had had its tail pulled one too many times by younger children, and wasn't about to let it happen again.

Naturally, neither boy was paying attention to where in Central they were going, since both had been concentrating on their target. So little did they know that just after the next right was where a small salon, _Hair by Design_, was located. As fate would have it, this happened to be just where the cat had decided to change its course. But the brothers weren't the only ones running towards this side-street, oh no, for there was another person running towards the same place, except they were approaching from the end of the side-street opposite of the two brothers.

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Oo, who's coming from the other side of the street? Really short chapter, I know, BUT I'm planning on posting the next one, which may be the last, either later today (I hope) or tomorrow. Remember, it's never too late to review, and I thank everyone who has been.**


	7. A Pranker's Point of View

**Please not that there are some parts of this chapter that correspond to Chapter 4, but don't match. I will (eventually) change Chapter 4 so that the two line up perfectly. They do still line up, so hopefully, no one will be confused. And sorry for being a week late on the update, even though saying that doesn't make much of a difference as far as you all are concerned.**

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**Chapter Seven: _A Pranker's Point of View_**

Jean Havoc had woken up a few hours before his alarm clock would go off, and after tossing and turning, trying to fall back asleep, he finally gave up. Even though it was the weekend and he didn't have to go into work until later, he decided that since he was already awake, he might as well go in early and try to get a head start on the day's paperwork. After showering, shaving, brushing his teeth and attempting to tame his hair with a wet comb, he put on his uniform and headed towards his favorite café for breakfast and coffee.

After buttered toast, bacon, and eggs, he finished off his cup of coffee and ordered a second one to take to work with him. The coffee at HQ wasn't that terrible, but it wasn't exactly the best either. While sipping his coffee as he walked through the halls towards Colonel Mustang's office, he passed a soaking wet Maes Hughes.

"What happened to you, Lt. Colonel? It looks like you took a morning swim with your clothes on?"

Hughes looked at him, wearing an expression that was slightly less energetic than his usual one. "Roy got mad at me so I decided to help him cool off by pushing him into the fountain."

"Ah," Havoc replied, "but then why are you wet too?"

"He decided to pull me in along with him."

"O-kay. So why exactly was he mad anyways?"

"Oh, I'm not telling you that. I'm in enough trouble with him as it is, I don't need to go and dig myself a deeper hole by telling you what happened."

Havoc shrugged and said good-bye to the Lt. Colonel, and continued his way towards the office. When he was just around the corner from it, he could already hear the Colonel yelling about one thing or another. Since even adults need to be mischievous every once in a while too, he crept as close to the door as he dared to, eavesdropping on his superior officer.

"A simple yes or no will do, Lieutenant!" _Whoa, wonder what's got the colonel in such a bad mood so early. He _never _snaps at Hawkeye like that._

"No sir, but I believe that there are a few downstairs in the women's locker room…" _A hairdryer? What would he need a hairdryer for? From what I can tell about his mood right now, he'll probably just walk right in there without even fully realizing where _there _is… which means that he'll have to come out into this hall… which I'm standing in eavesdropping... Oh crap! I've gotta get out of here or else I'm toast- both literally and figuratively! _

He looked back and forth, searching for a quick escape from the footsteps that were fast approaching the open doorway, when luckily for him, they stopped. _Oh, thank goodness, they've stopped! I'll bet Hawkeye stopped him; after all, she's the only one who could, let alone dare, to try and stop him when he's like this. And he wouldn't have stopped on his own, uh-uh, not like this. No way, no how. I wonder what she'll do to him now…I hope it's good. _(A/N: Havoc's evil side, revealed!)

"Sir, there is _absolutely no way_ that I am going to let you waltz right into the woman's locker room. So instead, how about you just take a seat, hm? Now, would you mind telling me just what exactly you so desperately need a hairdryer for?" _Yeah, really Boss, why _do _you need a hairdryer?_

"Well, Lieutenant, in case you didn't notice, my gloves are wet-" _They are? So I wouldn't have been toast… at least, not literally. _"-and I would like to be able to use them in the near future." _Hm, I wonder if the reason why he wants them so bad is so that he can go after the Lieutenant Colonel again. _

Havoc tensed again as he heard the sound of a chair scooting back and the footsteps of who he assumed to be the colonel, before relaxing after realizing that this time, they were relaxed, and seemed to be headed further into the office, where the colonel's desk was located.

"Sir, you really need to-"

"I know, Lieutenant Hawkeye," he interrupted, sighing, "I wasn't thinking clearly, and of course I shouldn't go in there. Forgive me for even suggesting it. Say, why don't I go and get us some cof-" _Oh no, he didn't. He didn't really just try to pull off an escape like that with her, did he? Oh boy, he's gonna get it _real _bad, right about…_

"ROY MUSTANG!" … _now. _"I said it before, and I'll say it again. _There is __**absolutely no way**__ I am going to let you sneak into the women's locker room!_ And don't even think for a second that you can fool me with your little plans to sneak out unnoticed."

With the same curiosity that killed the cat, Havoc had poked his head around the corner, intent on witnessing this outburst. With Roy leaning forward on the front of his desk and Hawkeye facing towards him, neither of Havoc's superiors could see him. But that didn't keep him from almost getting caught. Now, Jean Havoc wasn't the type to give away a hiding place by accidentally making some sort of a noise, but the sight he was met with as he peered around the corner made an exception.

After his scolding, Roy sighed and lowered his head, admitting his defeat to the imposing woman standing just behind him, and revealing the hair at the base of his head that his hat had been covering.

It was the sighting of pink hair on his commanding officer that led Havoc to the difficult task of concealing the hysterical laughter rising in his chest. But as we all know, it is impossible to hold back such laughter without making _some_ type of noise, and it was this noise that alerted the pink-haired man of his presence.

It was sheer luck that Havoc was able to catch a glimpse of his superior beginning to turn around, having had his eyes shut in an effort to fully contain his laughter. Just barely, and still shaking with suppressed laughter, he was able to pull his head back around the corner. He was safe, at least for now... or was he?

"Sir what is-" _Oh no. She asking him if something's wrong, he must have caught a glimpse of me! Oh no, please no! _

"What did you say before sir? I couldn't quite hear you." _Oh, that's what she wanted. Unless... unless she's just trying to cover up what she started saying before so as to not tip me off! He really _must _have noticed me! Aw man, why didn't I just go back to bed this morning instead of coming in early?_

"I said, do you hear something that sounds like one of second lieutenant Havoc's vain attempts at containing one of his extreme urges to laugh out loud? By the way, Havoc, that's your cue to come out of hiding and give your self up."

No longer having to worry about keeping quiet in order to stay hidden, Havoc was able to release his laughter, and it could be heard ringing through the halls before he even appeared around the corner, doubled over and using the walls as support.

"Colonel, you look… look… look…"

"Look like what Lieutenant? Go on, spit it out!"

Havoc _had_ begun to calm down, but once again an extreme urge to laugh took hold of him, and tears began to stream down his face once more. _How can he expect me to just say it out in the open? It's funny enough without having to say it out loud! If I did that, I don't think I could ever stop laughing!_

The end of this laughing spree came much more quickly than the last had, stopping after less than 30 seconds. The cause of this abrupt stop was the glare Roy was giving Havoc, the worse glare the poor blond had ever witnessed, from him, at least.

_Aw man, that look… I was right before, I never _have _seen him this angry. Maybe I should just tell him want he wants to hear? Even __with__ those few princess-y touches, he still looks vicious. Guess I have no choice then. Well… here it goes. _"Well- well, you l-look like a- a- a make-over that's gone _horribly_ wrong!"

"Well, you got the horribly wrong part right."

Watching the glare on the face of the man before him change into a grimace, Havoc was slightly taken aback for a moment. _Wait, is he serious? He really _did _have a make-over that went horribly wrong? Jeez, I was only kidding. There __must__ be more to the story than just that..._

Deep in thought, Havoc rose from his spot on the floor where he had first collapsed with laughter upon entering the room. Having had it just been explained to him, the appearance of his superior officer made sense. Now, all was left was to solve the problem. _Okay, let's see here… so his hair was dyed from black to pink, right? So then why not just reverse the whole thing and dye his hair from pink back to black? No one will ever notice since his hair is naturally black, so he'll only have to dye it once instead of many times to keep the same color. Hey, maybe he'll even give me a promotion for solving this problem since he seems to be so upset about it!_

"Hey colonel," he began, voicing his idea, "if your hair was dyed pink, then why not just have it dyed black again?"

At this proposition, Roy just stared at his subordinate. _Why is eh just staring at me like that? Is it because he's shocked by the brilliance of my idea, or because he thinks it's the stupidest thing he's ever heard? Man, I wish he would just hurry up and say something; the suspense of not knowing is killing me!_

Havoc's turmoil was soon broken as Roy finally started to respond to the idea, a look of what could be considered amazement still on his face. "Havoc-"Comeon _already, is my idea good or not?_ "-that is the most brilliant idea I've ever heard! Finally, in all the years you've been my subordinate, you **actually** made a good suggestion! I mean… thank you Havoc, I hadn't thought of that."

…_Hold on, did he just insult me? Oh well, what does it matter? He liked my idea! Now's my chance to ask about that promotion!_ "So, do I get a promotion for solving your-" he snickered at the wording he was about to use "-princess problem?

_Uh-oh,_ Havoc thought as yet another glare was shot at him, _maybe I pushed it a little __**too**__ far. _

"I wouldn't push your luck, _Lieutenant_. Just because my gloves are wet doesn't meant that I can't still make your career –and love life- a disaster. You might want to keep that in mind."

_Heh, he's probably right. After all, he _is _me commanding officer, so he pretty much has the power to do anything he wants to my military career. And as much as I hate to admit it, he _does _have a better way with the ladies than I do. Although I don't see why he has to threaten my love. As far as I'm concerned, he already __has__ made it a disaster, stealing all my girlfriends, then trying to make it up to me by setting me up with Major Armstrong's little sis, who ends up turning me down just because I'm not as muscular as her brother. But who could possibly be like the major- or want to be, for that matter._

He looked up from his thoughts, only to look away again in order too avoid the deathly death glare being given to a certain colonel by a certain sharpshooter. Roy may have built up a tolerance to those glares due to years of unfinished paperwork, but he, Jean Havoc, was a diligent little soldier, and did all of his paperwork on time, so he hadn't ever even gotten one of those glares before.

Concentrating on his sense of hearing rather than his sense of sight in an attempt to avoid the full force of her glare, Havoc was able to determine a few things about the situation as he slowly inched his way over to his desk and out of harm's way. First of all, it seemed as if the 1st Lieutenant agreed with his idea, and was beginning to put it into action. The purpose of the glare, which had sent Major Alex Louis Armstrong, the Strong Arm Alchemist, fleeing was to convince the colonel to cooperate under the threat of... well, he didn't know what, but that didn't really matter, because the threat was there.

After a little while, their arguing quieted down, and Havoc risked taking a peek. Seeing the colonel taking his coat from Hawkeye, he surmised that the danger had passed and began to relax. But it seemed as if he had relaxed too soon, because as soon as he had the colonel addressed him, remembering his presence.

"Havoc, I want you to hold things down here while we're gone. You can tell the other guys if they really want to know, but if Fullmetal comes before we get back, make up some other excuse for where we really are. And that's an order, so if I find out that you did tell Fullmetal, I will court-martial you without a second thought. I don't think you would like _that_ to have to be your first court-martial, now would you?"

_Damn, how did he know that I was going to tell everyone, especially Ed? At least he knew that it would be impossible for me to keep it a total secret and allowed me to tell at least _someone._ And he even threatened a court-martial. He seems to be doing that a lot lately; I think he just wants someone to finally get one. Hey, I wonder if he threatened Hughes with one, or if he was too angry to think of it?_

"Don't worry sir, I will make sure to not tell Ed where you guys really are. You can count on me."

"Good." was his reply, and with that, the two officers walked out the door, leaving him to figure out a way to amuse himself. And to voice all thoughts out loud, because they always sound better that way, and since he was alone he didn't have to worry about anyone overhearing one of his devious little plots to prank the other guys. Yes, even lazy soldiers like him like to have a little fun every once in a while, even if it did require a bit of work.

"I wish Heymans were here, he always has the best ideas. Maybe sitting in the colonel's chair will help spark some ideas." As he was sitting at the desk of his CO, muttering ideas to himself, he didn't notice the three men that walked into the room.

"Let's see here, maybe I should set up some pranks around the office since I have so much time before everyone else gets here. First off, Falman... he does like being super organized, so maybe I'll just mix up all of the papers he sorted out yesterday for the meeting he's going to this morning. Or I could make up a fake document from the first library that they'd be happy to have him check the accuracy of all the encyclopedias, thanks for offering, and we'll see you at noon. That sounds like fun. I'd love to see the look on his face at that one, he would be so confused! Now what about Fuery... oh, oh! I know! I'll fill up a bucket with little bits and pieces of paper and put it on top of the cabinet, then dangle a string from it. He won't be able to refuse pulling it when he goes over to his precious technological gadgets that only he understands. And Heymans, he can't resist coffee, so I think I'll pour a ton of salt into his and set it on his desk so it's ready for him when he gets here."

"Don't you even think about messing with my coffee, or you'll pay for it."

Havoc, who had had his feet propped up on the desk, jumped at this, and being in a chair on wheels, proceeded to fall flat on his back when it zoomed out from under him. "Heymans, when did you get here? And why are you all here so early? What happened to these two?"

"Hmph, you should know, you're the whole reason it did happen."

"..."

"Okay fine, I'll explain it to you. Last night, you snuck into all of our dorms and set our clocks two hours early. Then you rigged Fuery's door so that yellow paint would fall on his head when he walked into the hall, stole Falman's contacts and left those embarrassingly hideous glasses instead so that he would be forced to wear them if he wanted to be able to see where he's going, and finally, you already put salt on my toothbrush so don't even think about putting salt in anything else that's mine, especially my coffee."

"...Oh. Did I do all of those things?"

"Yes!" all three men told him, thoroughly exasperated.

"Okay, if you say so... Anyways, I've got something to tell you about what happened to the colonel last night."

"Don't tell me you pranked him too? And not Hawkeye, please not Hawkeye, that woman's scary when she's mad."

"Yes, she was scary when she was here before BUT," he said before Heymans could cut him off again, "it wasn't my doing. Neither of them were, and let me tell you, the colonel? Well, he can really give Hawkeye a run for her money when it comes to being scary."

Ten minutes and four bets later, Havoc was running down the street that led to the salon the 1st Lieutenant went to. Thanks to Hughes, he now had the name and address of the place, and was nearly there when, _Hey, is that the Elric brothers running towards me? Who cares about a court-martial, I know he's not serious. The colonel would never do that, and I'm sure Hawkeye would stop him... _"Hey Ed! Al! Wanna hear what happened to the colonel?" With mirrored evil grins, the two ran towards each other, suit of armor shaking his head at them. "-sigh- Military men and their gossip. When will they learn?"

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**Okay, so now you've seen everyone's point of view and they've all caught up to each other. Let the story move on! Unless anyone has any ideas, the next chapter will most likely be the last. Thanks to ****E.Mahiru****, whose prediction of Havoc telling Ed what happened sparked the idea for these past two chapters. Go read her stories, and ****EdElricFan1001****'s. Both are great writers, and have reviewed every chapter of this story. So, a huge thank you to them and to everyone else who has reviewed and followed my story.**

**Remember, reviews equal motivation for me, which equals a faster update. No more promises of when that will happen, I've learned my lesson.**


	8. Dramatic Realizations

**I apologize for taking this long. I had this already to post, when I realized I couldn't because the internet wasn't working on one computer, and I couldn't log on (I got lucky this time) because of some weird problem with the login screen on our other one. You'll probably have end up re-reading past chapters to remember what's happened, won't you? **

**I had this much of the chapter already written, but was going to add more to it and finish off the story. Well, I decided to cut it in half, since the rest of it will work better in a different point of view. The rest of the story might take a little while, because I'm struggling with how to write the next part of it, but I can guarantee you that it won't take nearly as long as it did this time. Oh, and thanks to Ninja C for prodding me along- you'll have to do it again, I'm afraid.

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**Chapter 8:**_ **Dramatic Realizations**_

"Mwahahahaha! MWAhahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"Brother, cut it out, people are starting to stare."

"Yeah chief, you're starting to creep me out. I never knew you had so much…_evil_ inside of you. What's the big deal, anyways?"

Ed turned to stare at the man who had just revealed the story of what happened to his commanding officer. "What's the big deal? _What's the big deal?!_ You dare to ask me what the big deal is?! How can you not see it? It's everything! Everything's the big deal, EVERYTHING, I TELL YOU!"

_**BONK!**_ "Brother! Cut it out already! Don't make me get out the measuring stick!"

Ed finally paused in his maniacal laughter, slowly turning his head to glare at his younger brother. "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me," the younger Elric countered, not even phased by the look of sheer hatred being directed at him. Of course, he didn't _always_ carry around a measuring stick, but since Ed was going to see the colonel, he had prepared for the worst-case scenario.

"Fine. Be that way," the young state alchemist huffed, dramatically turning his back to his younger brother.

Havoc had been a spectator to all of this, and was clearly amused by the reaction his gossip had earned. Who knew that the normally serene alchemist could be so overdramatic when the colonel wasn't around to provoke him?

"So, are you going to answer my question?" he prodded, correctly guessing that it had been forgotten in all of the drama.

Ed, who had recovered from his impromptu act and now looked perfectly normal, faced the second lieutenant with a look of honest confusion. "What question?"

"The question that was somewhere along the lines of 'what was it about what I just told you that caused you to react that way?'"

"Oh. That question," Ed replied, understanding dawning on him. The corners of his lips turned up into an evil grin, intensified by the calm way in which he replied, "Have you ever heard of blackmail before?"

"Oh no." Al mumbled more to himself than out loud. "Here we go again."

Ed, reverting back to his earlier drama, pulled a flashlight seemingly out of nowhere, and shined it on his face. "With this information, I shall be able to blackmail Mustang into serving my every need, and then, take over the world! Mwahahaha- _**BONK!**_- Ouch! Hey, watch it Al, that hurt!"

"Serves you right for acting so crazy like that, Brother."

"I was just having a little fun," Ed mumbled, rubbing his head a bit.

"What was that, Brother?" Al inquired dangerously, raising his fist in preparation to bonk his older brother on top of the head again.

"Ah! Nothing, Al! I didn't say anything! Don't bonk me on the head again, please don't! Nooooooo! Al!"

Alphonse lowered his fist as if to bonk his brother on the head anyways, but then stopped at the last minute and ruffled his brother's hair instead.

"Al! Why'd you do that! Now my hair is a mess!"

"Sorry, Brother," Al snickered, not really sorry at all. "There's a hair salon right across the street if you're really that worried about it."

"Huh?" Ed inquired, and both he and Havoc turned to search out the salon Al had mentioned.

"Hey! That's where Hawkeye dragged the colonel off to!" Havoc exclaimed in recognition.

"What d'ya mean? _That's_ where Mustang is? Hahaha, this just keeps getting better and better!"

"And you know what's even better?" Havoc asked him back.

"What?" Ed replied, and evil grin growing on his face for the third time since their encounter.

"If I'm not mistaken, that's the colonel sitting right there behind the window, trying to hide his face from us. Poor man doesn't even realize how useless it is."

Ed looked up at Havoc, the evil grin still on his face. "Well duh, of course he doesn't. The man's useless anyways, see?" Right on cue, there was a roll of thunder, and rain came pouring down in sheets, instantly drenching whoever was unfortunate to be standing outside at the time.

"Come on, let's go!" In the blink of an eye, the Fullmetal Alchemist had reached the door, unsealed it (completely oblivious to the fact that it had been sealed with alchemy in the first place), motioning the other two to burry up, and ushering them through the open door as fast as he could.

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**Please review- I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I'll respond to all of them.**


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